This was a phenomenal start! I can’t wait to read what’s next - the descriptions and slow-burn development are stunning… and the story? The serving? The summons? The history? The ancient demonic rage behind a little old lady’s face?
Great work. I like the premise here, and there is a strong narrative momentum. The scenes are all very clear in my mind.
On a minor side note, I can't turn off my inner editor at the moment, as I am doing an editing run on my own stuff, and I noted some words you could probably trim.
“She washed her hands, taking in a breath and letting herself drift into the calm waters that rushed over her cracked and dry palms. Time had not been kind to her skin and in many ways reflected the desert of her youth back to her. She was not one to care about the trappings of beauty or the trappings of societal norms. She had lived far too long for those to have any sort of impact on her psyche.”
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I’m half way through and I’m literally overwhelmed with enthusiasm and excitement. The introduction was such a pleasant, and calm storyline river drift. By the time she smelled leather, cedar and tobacco I started to brace myself like rapids were coming. When she was served, and there was mention of prior witchcraft accusations; I buckled in.
I’m going for the ride.
This is playing out like a cinematic series in my mind; and I really, truly see this being published in a literary journals Fall issue somewhere. It is the epitome of slow burn perfection.
This was a phenomenal start! I can’t wait to read what’s next - the descriptions and slow-burn development are stunning… and the story? The serving? The summons? The history? The ancient demonic rage behind a little old lady’s face?
Gosh… instant sub. Props to you 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Love it!
I really hope you continue this, I cannot not know what happens!
I’m so glad you like it!
It’s so good! I love how whatever beast/creature/???? Fasaani is, she still needs a lawyer. Very humorous.
So glad I finally delved into this after seeing it recommended so often. The opening is quietly disarming.
The retreat setting already feels rich with unease. Looking forward to where this unravels!
I’m so glad you like it! I hope you enjoy the rest.
I shall catch up.
Hell yeah!
I love how I didn’t really know the decade until you said y2k! Really enjoyed this!
Thanks I’m glad you enjoy it! I hope you keep reading.
Great work. I like the premise here, and there is a strong narrative momentum. The scenes are all very clear in my mind.
On a minor side note, I can't turn off my inner editor at the moment, as I am doing an editing run on my own stuff, and I noted some words you could probably trim.
Definitely some fat that needs cut! Any thoughts are appreciated! I’m focusing on getting the whole first draft done before I do any real cutting.
I think press on through the first draft, and do line edits later.
What a treat, and so well written! I'm intrigued.
I’m so glad you enjoyed! I’ve published up to chapter 18 on here. You’re in for a ride!
This is great! Very intriguing characters! I'll definitely be sticking around for the rest
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! There’s 9 chapters out there now and I’ve got 3 more written. So glad you’re a fan.
I'm into this. Unequivocally, I'm into this. 🔥🔥
I’m so glad you enjoy!
I like it. This reminds me of how I would approach writing the first chapter of a novel.
Many things are hinted at not too many of those things are revealed. It’s like stacking dominos to later be toppled for a grand finale.
Good work.
This makes me so happy to read. Thank you!
Your welcome, the pleasure is all mine.
“She washed her hands, taking in a breath and letting herself drift into the calm waters that rushed over her cracked and dry palms. Time had not been kind to her skin and in many ways reflected the desert of her youth back to her. She was not one to care about the trappings of beauty or the trappings of societal norms. She had lived far too long for those to have any sort of impact on her psyche.”
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I’m half way through and I’m literally overwhelmed with enthusiasm and excitement. The introduction was such a pleasant, and calm storyline river drift. By the time she smelled leather, cedar and tobacco I started to brace myself like rapids were coming. When she was served, and there was mention of prior witchcraft accusations; I buckled in.
I’m going for the ride.
This is playing out like a cinematic series in my mind; and I really, truly see this being published in a literary journals Fall issue somewhere. It is the epitome of slow burn perfection.
I love the feedback! Thank you for sharing and I look forward to your thoughts on the rest. I have 9 chapters out at the time I’m posting this.